I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
