Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
