we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
