she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
