Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
