started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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