My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
