I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
