I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
