A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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