tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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