I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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