really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
