"it" just moved
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have fence marks all over my body
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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