I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
