I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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