i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
