but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
