So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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