i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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