Four minutes until I can fart!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
