My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
