I'm pants shitting drunk right now
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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