I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
