got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
