I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
