This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
