dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
