we made out on top of his cat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Randomize
