dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
