it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hippo gnu deer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
