My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
