2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
