i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
