I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
