one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
