I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
