My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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