My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
