Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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