i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
