Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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