I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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