Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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