i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
