sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've blown a few things in my day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
