did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
