Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
