The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
