were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
