I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
