So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
