Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
